Sunday, June 2, 2019

Maintaining poise under pressure

image credit: Wiki
Have you ever been in a situation where you were taken off guard during a conversation, an interview or had to handle an important or pressing issue while under heavy surveillance? Not everybody can maintain composure when threat to survival is perceived, it is a psychological trait in every human being. Maintaining poise under pressure is one of the many attributes of a great leader and its a skill that everybody can learn to better defend themselves and their mental health against situations outside of their control.

The ability to think clearly, maintain composure, gather intel, communicate effectively while under pressure are all skills learned during military training. How long do you think a soldier without these critical life and battle skills will survive in combat or behind enemy line? my guess is, not long. If a soldier does not posses the necessary skills to survive long in battle, that is complacency and it leads to extinction. A soldier need to be combat ready on multiple front in other to survive. This same rule apply to real life situations.

Life will throw us a curve ball that will knock us off course from time to time and how we respond to those threat says a lot about who we are and our capabilities.

Fundamentally, to be successful in any endeavor, you must posses the ability to think rationally on your feet, communicate effectively and maintain composure under pressure. This characteristic builds trust and confidence, not just to yourself but to your associates.

In the business world and as a woman, the need to be assertive, physically and orally cannot be over emphasized. We need to take the bull by the horn and eliminate any form of weakness in all our dealings and situation that have the propensity to define us.

An article published in psychology today, stresses that an individual who possesses assertiveness react to positive and negative emotion without becoming aggressive. This is highly accurate considering the fact that an assertive personality tend to be highly confident and confidence helps in reacting and controlling a situation and its outcome.

Some of the strategy to adopt when under pressure is to first recognize and understand the situation you are in,  take a deep breath, breath in and out. Talk positively to yourself that you got this, you have this under control and after that, you will be able to respond to the trigger with clarity of mind.

Saturday, February 2, 2019


Author Onuwabuchi Ayozie is a Christian, wife, mother, motivational speaker and author of My dearest suicide. She has an M.A in professional counselling from Amberton University, TX, United States. Her personal beliefs revolves around having a good relationship with your bible and identifying yourself as an individual on a growth spectrum to grade the whereabouts of your mind, heart and action so as to provide yourself with an illustrative reflection of your back steps, missteps and progressive steps through this time period called life.

Visit to order for her book

Why does God allow some to get married and some he does not?

Tell us, Lord! Is the reason why because others are not holy enough? Are the unmarried not presenting themselves as available or accessible enough? Is it perhaps that the man or woman is not yet mature enough? What is it? If maturity is the setback what are the characteristics that can qualify the unmarried? Even with that, have you and I not seen sadly immature people but still they are married? If you have not, my follow-up question is… is your T.V. broken? Ha! Why does God allow some men and women to get married while there are other eligible bachelors and bachelorettes that never marry?

 If you have been reading intently this far, you may have noticed that I use the term “allow”. I likened to use “allow” because I follow the belief that nothing under the sun happens unless God allows it. Marriage, health, wealth, and children, and many other prayer points can be the single worst or best thing that has ever happened to a human being. IT ALL DEPENDS ON GODS CHOOSING! 

The unmarried are not evil. The married are not good-hearted or vice versa. God is all-knowing and humans are not. Why does God allow some people to get married and some men and women He does not? I don't know about you, but I am not whom God should answer to. Let Him never tell me why, yet allow me to be grateful for all the times I have been a recipient of his outpour of love, forgiveness, covering, grace, and favor a million times over my life.

 Everything about our Creator is perfect! He is not marriage centered. Whosoever asks such question or questions alike is not necessarily thinking small but rather their concept of God is small. Or more accurately put, the space in which they give God to operate in their life is too tiny! I think any person that asks this question should learn more about Gods character. Ruminate on The Creator (what he loves, what he detests) and care less of his creations. I think the person is looking at marriage higher than they do the self-existing God. My heartfelt prayer is; may your beliefs be in agreement with the truth that God can do no wrong! It is as though the person is looking at life through the flesh, not the Spirit. As opposed to saying look at how God made this man live a life with no health issues, another man God gave a life of luxury, He gave another man wonderful children and grandchildren, and the next man He marked with unending achievement. You can question God or you can be grateful to God.

 The two are both actions but one is the antithesis of the other. To look at life like the former you are guaranteed to live a life plagued with sin lest you wait to obtain God’s submission to you before you do right. To act in the later (have more gratitude) blesses the grateful. To look at life the way God intended it to be … blesses you and I. I have a question for readers, is it possible to live a life the way God did not intend for you and still please him? Hardly! Is it possible to live a life God did not intend? Yes, it is called disobedience! It is absolutely possible to fight God every step of the way. That is when your will is done and not Gods. Why does God allow some to get married and some he does not? That is a question for people whose focus on God’s purpose needs adjustment.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Financial lessons and resposibility: My perspective

image from wiki

According to a financial article from Investopedia, financial responsibility means living within your means regardless of the levels of those means.

That basically means as a financially responsible adult you should be able to take a look at your financial earnings to determine your spending habit and making necessary adjustment to put yourself on a solid financial foundation.

As a fully grown adult I've come to the understanding that nothing beats poverty faster than making the right decision very early in life about how you want to spend your money to be financially independent in the future in other to live a very comfortable life during retirement.

As parent, we will do well to start teaching the next generation about money. We do not need to give them the impression that money grows on the tree by our reckless financial decision and spending, or dance to their tune when they ask for a new toy. We need to model  how to be responsible with hard earn money by showing them. My parent didn't pamper us with everything we wanted but they did gave my late sister and I a very sound educational foundation with me alive to tell the story. Hopefully, you will learn a thing or two about how important it is to keep your circle tight, small and shield your finances from those who are ready to milk you dry and leave you out to dry.

I learnt very early in life from my father's mistakes about financial responsibility. I was born to a very financially comfortable (neither rich nor poor) parent . My late sister and I went to one of the  best nursery, primary school, rode in a fancy school bus, ate specially cooked meal at school but it was short-lived. Back in the 80s in Lagos Nigeria, this standard of schooling was a privilege only the rich could afford and yes I have a very sound memory of some of  things that happened when I was 5 years old. I don't forget things easily and I hold on to every lesson I've ever learnt from a situation.  Those experiences has moulded me into a strong woman.

I have seen and experienced what lack of financial planning can do to one's life and in most cases in Africa, an entire generation. Learning from my father grave mistake has made me conscious of how I spend my time and financial resources. I'm in no way a financial advisor but going by my life's lessons and  experiences as a child up to adulthood, I guess i'm qualified to use my perspectives to highlight how financial planning is beneficial and paramount to us and the coming generation.

The greatest resources  humans are blessed with is TIME and HEALTH. Unfortunately by Virtue of nature not all of us are born healthy. Being born with defect isn't still a good enough excuse not to succeed because we all are bless with the same 24hrs a day. I have seen a case of a  blind lady working, I have seen a guy without limbs become a successful speaker that people are willing to listen to. So if you are sound and healthy NO EXCUSE!

Time makes it possible for us to utilize health to get wealth #Fact. If you have both at birth, your time starts ticking and the process that determines whether you will be a success or failure begins. The process consist of time to crawl, time to walk, time to talk. time to learn, time to start working(contributing) time to spend, time to retire, time to die etc . What will determine the success or failure of your existence/lifecycle from the time you were born up to the time you die, is how effective you use your time, your health and your wealth.

We all have 24hrs in a day like I said, so have you ever wondered why some are poor and people on  the other side of the spectrum are rich? how they utilize and maximize their time and health is what makes them different. its a process that can't be ultered. If you place a seed on a tiled floor for 20years, it won't germinate but place the same seed on an appropriate  soil, it will thrive. The same rule apply to creating an app, there is a set of computer algorithm you have to follow if you want to complete it successfully. Life will be simple if we all follow due process of achieving and sustaining success.

This is not easy by any means because by design, humans do not get full understanding at birth as to the manual to read in other to succeed but as we evolve as individual and adapt to our environment, we start becoming  aware and developing survival instinct.

As a Nigerian, I can tell you free of charge that it isn't easy to thrive in Africa because of economic instabilities and corrupt politicians or anywhere in the world if you don't have any basic education, vocation or family wealth, you will have to fight day and night to eradicate poverty from your life.

The greatest disservice you can do yourself is to surround yourself with little mind or put your future or the future of your children in jeopardy by putting others first. Don't get me wrong, its good to help but help yourself first. My father endangered our future before it could begin by mere being in the same space with little minds. Had he surrounded himself with like minded individual or people in the same or higher financial status as he was, he wouldn't have sank so far down as he did almost dragging my sisters and I with him. Instead he surrounded himself with sycophants dressed up as friends and mostly families.

 I remember as a child, our house was always filled to the brim with people, most especially during festive period. I lost count how many people became successful today as a result of my parent's assistance no matter how little, or feeds themselves and their children off of the foundation they laid for them. I lost count of how many people ate my parent's sweat, salt and pepper who today doesn't know the road that leads to where they live anymore even though they live down the street from them. The silver lining is, we children can say with all sense of pride and humility that our parent helped other people get started and situated in life but none have the dignity or the strength of character to equally extend an olive branch back to us when we were at our lowest point even when they have the means to, hence the saying that it is blessed to give than to receive. Trust me when I say the giver have the power and the upper hand as to whatever the receiver become with the resources no matter how little that was extended to him or her.

Having a backup plan for the future is a sure way to ensure financial responsibility and joyful retirement. As we all know firsthand that there is time for everything in life, never hesitate to secure your future by investing in profitable investment and your children. Granted the future is not guaranteed but you don't have to leave it to chance. If you don't manage your time well, time will manage you and when time manages you, you will lose all sense of direction, you will be available and up for anything people throw at you. Saving enough during the time of plenty in other to survive during the time of drought or lack was a concept that got Joseph from the prison and eventually became the prime minister of Egypt when he interpreted the dream the king had.

During my father time of plenty, he surrounded himself with people who later became a liability for not just him but for all his children. He thought he could help everybody which I don't blame him for because I have the trait as well but I quickly learnt how to sieve the wheat from the chaff and take care of me first. He couldn't secure his future or ours because he was more focused on other people's problems. The time he exhausted taking care of his family's properties or family problem as I call it as the family head, going to a never ending family meetings ( I went with him on one of his many trips) he literally sacrificed, wasted  his youth, his time and his resources on what I consider an ineffective thesaurus. Time he could have managed effectively well on other productive ventures. Your time is your weath so use it productively.

Long story short and the lesson will be yours. Remember the fancy school bus that drove us to and from school? it stopped coming, we had to start taking our meal to school and eventually he couldn't afford to pay our school fees, that meant we dropped out of private school. We downsized to a Nigerian federal government/ military school precisely Command children school, Ikeja. Back in the day and to date, the school is considered a rich kids school mostly because we were civilians, so we get to pay the highest school fees. We always looked so cool in our uniform. I remember people praising our father for getting us admitted into such institution but they didn't realize that we barely manage to land on both feet. Things started falling apart for my father, a owner of a thriving  business with 3 office locations with staffs, a company that does business with multinational companies ended up with one and eventually nothing. I remember going to school one day and I saw that he has been ejected from one of the offices with his office furniture outside, I ran home to tell him and we all went there to help him move stuff, I was about 12 years at the time. He was able to move his stuff to an empty shop at my grandmother's house.

He was managing the last remaining office but everything went downhill from there, we couldn't afford to pay for our house rent and he lost the last office. I remember the landlord and caretaker always coming over to ask for money. Meanwhile he was supposedly building his house through his uncle, but there was nothing to show for it. The only option as to where to live boiled down to us moving to the family house or one of my uncle's  (God bless his soul) house. I have a very fond memory of my uncle, I remember him to be funny, free spirited and generous. Back when we were little in our grandmother's house, whenever my grannie went out for business, most of the time my cousins and I were left to ourselves hungry, immediately we see him come back home from work, we know for sure we will be filled and I also remember our school bus dropping us at his workshop countless times whenever our parent were not available because his place of work was very close to my father's office. Its very saddening to know he didn't live long in life to enjoy the house he built.

 Eventually, we moved to my late uncle's house. Even though at the time, it sounded like a great idea because whether good or bad, it gave us a roof over our head but after we moved in, the waves of abuse, insult and defamation of character my father suffered and endured from families, neighbors were nothing to write home about (story for another time). It was very depressing to know that this same people that he has helped at some point in their life could turn around and say shit behind him and before him. It happened that I had  to stay with an aunt of mine who was one of the recipient of my father's generosity. I came back from school one day wearing my friends sandal because i hurt my feet and couldn't walk in mine. When i got home, i met my aunty sitting in the balcony, she asked whose sandal was i wearing, i explained what happened. She started insulting me, my family and my father who is her brother. She insulted my father so much that i cried from the depth of my soul while i listen to all she had to say, obviously she had a lot on her chest and she offloaded everything on me. She asked me to return the sandal and i had to walk several miles to my friend's house to return it.

The next day at school, I told my friends what happened and they shared their experiences with me about bad relatives, there and then i made a decision to leave her house the next weekend. Luckily and fortunately for me, the weekend i was to leave, for some reasons unknown to me, she had a fight with Her husband( who to my knowledge was a good man) and she started moving her things out of the house to her mum's ( my grandmother)house, that gave me an exit to escape. Till date, whenever i looked back, i believe that it was God that opened the window in other for me to leave.  From that point on nothing has ever connected us and nothing ever will. I went back to my  parent because the reason I was there in the first place was that their house was in close proximity to my school and it was decided that i should live with them to be close to school. If my father has guarded his finances judiciously, I wouldn't have been there at that point in time. My sisters and I wouldn't have been subjected to child abuse, emotional and mental torture. This is just my story and just a snippet of it, my sisters went through far worst situation than I did. We were the victims of our father's lack of financial planning. Those experiences could have destroyed us but instead it forged us to be independent minded very early in life and we had to grow up fast. My experiences made it difficult for me to entrust the wellbeing of my kids to anybody.

This is not to say my father is an angel himself. Infact he is the most stubborn man I've ever known and we don't really get along well. He doesn't agree with people's opinion when his mind is made up. he doesn't care what others think of him and at the same time, he is the kindest man you've ever met. He always have one advice or words of wisdom to give out and doesn't care if you use it or not. Those were all the  character trait that landed him bankrupt.

At some point I felt very sorry for him. what got my sisters and i through those period and never believed all the lies concocted by his family and those around was  because we knew the origin of the story and  how everything unfolded and went downhill. We all know our father and his lifestyle, we lived with him through the good days and the bad days, we knew how he always help people. Collectively, we agreed that moving into the house was the greatest mistake and error in judgement my father ever made. No amount of hardship or poverty could compare to the humilations we went through just by that single decision. One he is yet to recover from.

All these stories goes to show that if you don't plan your life, life will plan you. I saw the architectural plan of the house he was building, it was magnificent but life happened and it wasn't meant to be because he trusted and took people at face value. Those were his choices and decisions but we learned from it. A lot of people expecially families threw us the brickstone of wickedness but with God on our side and our determination to succeed, we were able to use the brick to build a wall success around us.

Resilience was built, no one was able to  intimidate us  because nothing fazes us anymore yet our future looked bleak at the time but we never gave up. We recognised our situation God used our attitude to work and diligence to pave a way for us.

The point of this story is to help you see  how lack of financial planning is detrimental not just to you but your next generation. Its not to bring anyone down or make anyone look bad,  because its a story with a happy ending and must be told and to use my experiences to highlight  the importance  of helping yourself first before thinking of helping others from my perspective. It's good to be selfless  but make sure you are on a solid ground before venturing to bring someone on board. Empower your children first before empowering others. Charity begins at home. It's a new year and a new beginning reset your priorities, start by planning for the future.

The story continues. watch out for more life lessons articles on this blog.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Branding yourself for success in 2019

image credit; AMW activities 
      Prepared by Odun Da-Silva

Yay!! its a brand new year, a fresh start, a new page and a new beginning. It's time for goal settings, resolutions and looking forward to what the year holds for us. Personally, I love this time of the year, it gives me insights to what I could have done differently the previous year, set new goals, find new challenges and stretch myself to the edge of my abilities to achieve it.

Recently I was asked how new year resolution came about, i.e who invented it. You bet that the question got me thinking because I've been making new year resolutions since I was a teenager and I didn't bother to think for a moment how it came into existence or why it has been dominating our conversations and mental space around this time every year, so I did some digging and got armed with a new piece of information.

The truth is, humans have been making resolutions for thousands of years( the ancient Babylonians were the first set of people to start the new year promises back in 1894BC) and till date its being observe at the start of every year and the tradition will continue long after we are gone.

Let take a minute to reflect on the trajectories of last year. In hindsight, what could we have done differently to achieve a more productive outcome in our choices, in our personal and professional capacity? who in you circle should have been let go that you are still hanging on to? what obsolete idea or information are you  holding on to? what career limiting habit do you still project in your workplace? The reasons for these questions are quite simple, we can talk about resolution all day long but nothing is gonna change if we don't change our outlook and own up to our inadequacies. No one is perfect but if we chase excellence, we might find ourselves in close proximity to perfection. Lets work on our weaknesses if we want to experience a different result this year. Trust me its fruitless slapping a lipstick on a pig.

In essence it's safe to say the kind of branding that leads to success starts with identifying our weaknesses, working towards turning them to strength and using them to our advantage. Sounds simple? yes it does but it's not a simple process, it takes time and requires every ounce of our commitment and tenacity.

Now let's talk about brand.  The English dictionary described brand as a mark. In reality every mark has a meaning and behind the meaning is a message or an image you are projecting. Essentially, you as an individual is a mark, your attribute, personality  and character traits are the elements that shapes how people perceive you. A person meeting you for the first time doesn't know and can't tell who you are but the moment you open your mouth to talk, he/she starts forming an opinion about you. Have it in mind that every conversation is an opportunity for you to communicate who you are, your skills and talent to whoever have your attention.

For the purposes of this article and clarification, let's use Walmart, Amazon or apple as an example. What comes to mind whenever you see their logo or when their name pops up? what came to mind is the business image they are projecting and how you perceive them determines your dealings with them. How you are perceived is fundamental to your personal and professional success and growth and it has the propensity to follow you throughout your lifecycle.

Each one of us has been blessed with unique set of attributes and characteristics that differentiates us, gives major edge to be competitive and distinctive. It is not enough to be bless with them but how we utilize them plays a major role and puts us at an advantage in our path to success.

Let's look at some tips that can be leveraged in building a sustainable personal brand.

1-  Have a platform: Within the context of building a personal brand, having a platform means having one or multiple avenues or resources to communicate your ideas, personality and skillset to the people around you and the world at large. it can be likened to a stage where you showcase your talent. Examples of platform could be you as an employee or entrepreneur, a member of a community or non profit and the most viable because of the digitized world in which we live in, is having an online or digital presence. To create a platform, you will need to search within you to find an area you are most comfortable in and work tenaciously to make your voice heard.

2-  Be yourself: Because everyone else is taken. Building a personal brand is about using your attribute and characteristics to become a better and more informed version of yourself, its not about copying someone else's brand. There is only one you in this whole world so that makes you, your thought, personality, skill, talent and style 100% original. My writing style is different from the next writer because when I put pen to paper, I write from my mind. My thoughts are mine and mine alone and most importantly, people are attracted to originality. All the fashion icon, TV stars, real estate Mogul, entrepreneur that you wanna be like when you grow up are all taken. Channel your energy on how you can create an outstanding version of your present self to benefit humanity.

3-  Know your strength and weakness: One of my weaknesses has always been too trusting of people but life taught me very early never to take people at face value. I do believe but I will verify. When you know what your strength and weaknesses are, you will be confident and it will be difficult for your brand to get mutilated by harsh realities of life because you'd have been prepared for it.

4-  What is your vision? We all need a personal brand in today's world and creating a brand that personifies you can't be possible without knowing the reason why you want it created. Vision means the future you desire. I have heard it being said that unless you know where you are heading, you can never arrive. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10 years from now is a common interview question, you'd be surprise that a lot of people don't t have an instant answer to the question. Find or create your vision, blend your skills, attributes and talent to fit that vision and it will take you there. If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there- Anonymous quote.

5-   Be consistent: As a business woman, if I have an idea that generates revenue consistently, my natural reaction will be to stick with it. Same thing applies to personal branding. When your brand  reaches the stratosphere where doors of opportunities, success and recognition are open effortlessly do not deviate from all the positives that got you there. There will always be room for improvement but stick to all the strategies that helped you reach the finish line.

Conclusion:  The aforementioned tips can propel you and your brand to unimaginable height if you make commited decision to stay true to who you are. Simple decision, action or inaction can have a huge impact on the growth of your brand positively or negatively. There are so many variables that will try to place glass ceiling  on your growth but with constant learning and unlearning, it can be shattered. I hope this  helps in your journey to personal branding. watch this space for more related article.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Ending the cycle of domestic violence

   By Odun Da-Silva

Domestic violence is a disease that has eaten deep into the core of our society. It can be traced back to the early men and women, it is as old as time itself. It is an epidemic that has affected men, women and children of all ages, races, social and economic levels and background.

Men, women and children of all generation have experience different forms of domestic violence at some point in their lifetime. The most gruesome part of it all is its being passed down from one generation to the next. It can be likened to a baton that is expected to be passed from one sprinter reaching the end of his race to another at the start of his own race. I have seen domestic violence firsthand  in its entirety in Africa, here in America and thanks to awareness, I have read about it in other parts of the world.

I became a strong proponent of domestic violence because I have experience and lived it firsthand and I realize that I am not alone. 1 in every 4 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. In reality, I would say 3 in every 4 women will experience at least one form of it in her relationship.( my reasoning is, no perfect partnership or relationship)

Ending the cycle of domestic violence starts with self evaluation and boils down to choices. You need to know who you are as an individual first, what you can stand or can't stand for. Using myself as an example, I'm an individual that is comprised of 4 types of emotional intelligence ( logical mathematical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and linguistic intelligences). I can tell you personally that, my personality type cannot allow me to be in a situation where my self esteem, worth and values will be threatened. Those intelligences empowered me enough to take a walk when I was in a violent and toxic relationship. In essence, know your worth as a woman and others will respect it.

Our choices has the power to define or shape how we are perceived. If you are with the wrong partner that brings out all the demons(we all have one) in you effortlessly, it shows how weak you are in choosing. All humans have the propensity to be aggressive when the wrong button is pushed, unfortunately that's one element we can't control but what we do have control over is our God given ability to choose what's right for us. The right relationship, the right partnership, the right to exercise our free will and to live our life without any man made hitch is power that can aid our survival .

There are so many non profit organizations and campaigns of domestic violence today ( one of which I am a part of, ) more than anytime in history but guess what, women wouldn't need any of that if they choose who they allowed into their lives or who they open the door of their heart to. Despite all awareness, a substantial amount of women are still in toxic and violent relationship, refusing help from organizations that's willing to help. They make all sorts of excuses for their abusers, how they feel functional in dysfunction or comfortable in a situation leading to abuse and eventually death is inexplicable to me.

As women, its up to us to stand and defend our womanhood and protect our offspring and the ones yet unborn from being physically, mentally and emotional damaged due to violence in the home and workplaces. We need to stand together to put a stop to this circle that has followed us into the 21st century and threatening to extend its tentacles into the next generation.

We need to do better as women, we can talk about DV all day long, 7 days a week, if we don't take actionable and intentional steps to ensure that this generational cycle of abuse is eliminated, we'd have failed as a mother and most importantly we would have failed the next generation of the girl child. As an African woman, a wife, mother and a feminist I say no to domestic violence in our society and the world at large.

Concluding thought: This content was contributed to . An international nonprofit organization that empowers abused Men, Women and Children which am honored to be a part of. Visit our website to make a donation, your donation goes directly towards empowering domestic abused victims be a better version of themselves in the society.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

Sex and Christianity

Author Onuwabuchi Ayozie is a Christian, wife, mother, motivational speaker and author of My dearest suicide. She has an M.A in professional counselling from Amberton University, TX, United States. Her personal beliefs revolves around having a good relationship with your bible and identifying yourself as an individual on a growth spectrum to grade the whereabouts of your mind, heart and action so as to provide yourself with an illustrative reflection of your back steps, missteps and progressive steps through this time period called life.

Visit to order for her book
Last night I joined forces with my clubbing partner in the usual scenario of meeting up and going out to. Destination Winstonoff Melborn street in Dallas. The overstock valet and friendly/flirty door men were the signs and symptoms to what lay ahead. The chubby-useless scarf-wearing-doorman opened the door only to gesture us into draping curtains which were pulled by a second set of inside-doormen. Different, yet similar. Different because I am all too aware this new latitude longitude coordinate has never been trespassed by me! However the meagerly dressed women stationed atop tables throughout the room, the dim lights, the corner pocketed Disk Jockey with his security are all common club scene elements that brought this unchartered spot closer to familiarity.
The essence of my experience is not at all what I saw but what I held in mind. Single, 26, and a card carrying member of the Misses Princess Entitled Society. The Onuwabuchi Chapter.

How do I enter a relationship with Christ first? What does it mean to enter relationship Christ first? I think a couple of components may be:
* Reading Scripture for guidance
* Praying for wisdom and guidance
* Asking God for your mate
* Waiting on God as opposed to doing any active seeking that is more aggressive than not. (Dont get me wrong, God adds his SUPER to our NATURAL. Thus actively seeking is along that lines and aggressiveness and obsession are not.)
My strength is putting Christ in my heart and desiring HIM. My weakness is placing Christ in my heart and desiring Him to the point where  if I sense anything otherwise I become disinterested. That is my GOAL. However, as of right now, I am nowhere near that. I know Christ but I believe I dont know HIM like I should. Because I feel I would be so consumed with him in my heart that it would weigh on my mind and exude through my behaviors. As it stands that previous sentence is a dream! I want it to be a reality. Yet when I saw a man enter the room and scope out the dance floor with two shorter companions and all its occupants my mind zoomed in on him. All three of them stepped on the dance floor and kind of just stood there for a moment taking in the scene. I danced in faux oblivion of their presence and then they exited the dance floor and headed for the bar. I managed to wait 6 songs before I walked over the bar and tugged at his elbow and gestured at him to join me on the dance floor. He seemingly agreed or he only submitted to the pain. We danced for less songs then it took me to go over and find him at the bar before he said I am going back over to his friends. I noticed his wedding band. Who the heck comes to a club if you own one of those? I had never had that happen but.ok?  
 Now that I have had a moment to ponder on it, he may have been there simply to dance. That is so stupid! Out of my bitterness brewed spite and anguish toward an innocent good-looking successful man. But out of the little Christ in me I am blessed to have that self-evaluating capability that had me in metacognition. Me thinking about my thoughts gave birth to my realization that I am in a transition on a wide spectrum. And the area of that spectrum in which my mind is placed is exposed through my behaviors. I think about Christ but I dont live in him. I think about Christ but I operate on the axis of my own personal gain. I will wait on the Lord.up until I see what think I want. {W.A.R.N.I.N.G. to you and my future self. REJECT CONFUSION!
Is it that I want sex or is it more that I want to be in a relationship? I am currently in a growing relationship with Christ but easily bump HIM to the number 2 slot when a criteria-meeting-man steps on the scene/dancefloor.
 I want to be able to have just as an intense relationship with a man based on any other objective. Ie: intellectually stimulating correspondence. I have had an expansive conversation that blew my mind so far away from home base I was turned on at the ability to go for such an intellectual ride yet still be able to hold on. I remember that afternoon as though it was just yesterday. But to my regrettable disappointment I was not into that at that time. Stupid me! I did not know at that time how valuable that was.
A spiritual connection can provide an intense bonding with someone. And I say bondingas opposed to bondbecause with this the basis of the relationship forms a foundation that has the potential to grow and develop.
THIS IS WHAT I DESIRE. With the little knowledge I have now I still believe I can achieve obtaining a spiritual relationship if I go in INTELLECT FIRST because both reveal what rules over them and what they believe in. Or maybe not. I have had the experience where talking to a man lead me to believe he was spiritualwhich on all accounts was a plus and an edge up on any other potential. But he never hit the nail on the head on which spiritgoverned him which I believe was because he new it was so far from my outward acclamation to JESUS CHRIST but so close to spirituality. He may have wanted to see how close he could get to revealing himself without fully exposing himself, if that makes any sense.

I want a relationship where I get just as much or more satisfaction from being in the relationship based on what he and I can derive/provide from each other spiritually. I think the way to do that is to check my thoughts via my behavior in responding to men.
What does that look like?
When he says: blah, blah, blah
And I respond: in a sexually related way or I giggle or I entertain his statement I am affirming it is okay for you and I to hold sexually-related conversations.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS? Engaging in sexually related conversations should be only be afforded to your husband! Not even your boyfriend!
I can  tell myself but there is no way I can convince JESUS CHRIST I was not open-minded to sex when the very subject of sex was apart of the initial conversation! LETS NOT DECEIVE OURSELVES!

Monday, October 1, 2018

Starting a new Business? here's what you need to know.

     By Odun Da-Silva

Entrepreneur is an individual who organizes and operates a business or chain of businesses taking on greater financial risks. An entrepreneur is also known as A business man or woman. Going by the understanding of who an entrepreneur is, it is safe to say a business man/woman are in the business of making profit.

The term " Entrepreneur" is used loosely these day, everybody wants to be called an entrepreneur but doesn't have the in built capacity to be one thereby losing a lot of money. time and resources. It takes more than having passion for business to run an enterprise especially now with trends evolving on a daily basis, even with the right product for your target market, you will need more than a solid marketing plan to keep the lights on and pay employees.

About 11 years ago, like so many people, I fell into the trap of wanting to be my own boss. I got a business space and  products to sell without solid plan, researching the needs of the people within 10 mile radius of my business, the business knowledge and strategy to generate revenue and like all skyscraper without an hardcore foundation, it crumbled before my very eyes leaving me broke and devastated in its wake. That still remain one of the bad business decisions I ever made.

There are so many experiences, information, business acumen and skillset I have now that I wish I had before my second startup 11 years ago. You might be wondering second startup? yes I've failed, I have seen the highs and lows of entrepreneurship, I've  learnt so many lessons and yes I come from a long line of Entrepreneurs, its in my DNA. Even though I haven't reach the height of success I desire in my entrepreneurial journey, I can say without any iota of doubt that i know and understand the components of success in relation to business.

 One of the fundamental strategy to adopt when starting out is to have a mentor that can give you support, guidance and advice you will need to navigate the waters to avoid pitfalls.  When looking for a prospective mentor, just like you will not ask for parenting tips from a person who has never raised a child or marriage advice from a lifelong spinster , never ask for business advice from an individual who have not run  successful businesses. Doing this will reduce a ton of headaches and mental stress associated with being an entrepreneur.

The quality of your support network will also determine the depth and strength of your business's foundation, so when choosing, be sure to choose the right fit with relevant credentials, resources and who are able to give you the professional leg up needed to drive you and your business towards building a lifelong success.

Building your social networks isn't an easy task especially when the founder is extremely introverted but having a like minded individuals from different fields of career in your circle is an advantage.

Using Steve Jobs as a quintessence of an American entrepreneur who learned from his colleagues and investor alike, when he co-founded apple, he learned from Steve Wozniak and Mike markkula. If he had not chosen his mentor carefully he wouldn't have created a company worth $945 billion on its way to be valued at $1 Trillion with investors like the investment legend Warren Buffet buying $75 million worth of apple shares adding to the ocean of shares he already own.

   Financial responsibility is also one of the qualities that defines a true entrepreneur. what's your attitude towards money? are you a spendthrift or you associate with one? do you make irresponsible financial decision in other to fit in? if your answer to the above questions are yes, maybe you should consider taking  a different path.

Entrepreneurial journey is a path paved with commitment, management, ideas, success, management etc. you must be willing to delay gratification and set long term goals if you want to sustain your business. Cessation of revenue means the death of any business. Be conservative and prudent when it comes to issues related to money or spending, especially when the funds isn't going to generate revenue.

Warren Buffet is a quintessential of financial responsibility and successful entrepreneur. Buffet is the third wealthiest man in the world with a net worth of $80 billion yet he doesn't own flashy cars or live in large mansion, he lives in a modest house he's owned for decades. This is not to say you shouldn't enjoy life, hey friend! life is too short( I hear my self saying) but living modestly and spending rationally will get you to your destination of being a successful entrepreneur faster and ensures its sustainability.

Excellent customer service/experience: The greatest entrepreneur of all time, Sam Walton of Walmart knows the importance of  customers to any organization, he knew the customer are the golden goose, the reason they are in business and he went above and beyond to ensure that all customers were treated like kings and he inculcated the culture across the division and to date, Walmart remains the biggest retail brand in the world and the major part of the credit goes to their  unparalleled success in ensuring customers are treated with respect and satisfaction. A company I had the pleasure of working for in the united states.

Like Walton, you can build an empire that will stand long after you are gone, it takes structure, systems, vision, hard work, credibility and foresights to build a company like Walmart. Walton knew he couldn't be in all the locations of his business at once, so he replicated himself by training all his managers about the advantages of excellent customers service and what it means to business who in turn trained the workforce.

To become a successful entrepreneur, you must be willing to invest in workforce training. To be a greeter at Walmart, you must undergo some kind of training in other to carry out the functions the role calls for effectively in line with the vision of the organization. Walton believes that true customer experience should  starts immediately they enter your facilities till they leave. Emulating this business model will ensure the sustainability and credibility of any organization because when customer are satisfied with the product or service you provide, they will boldly recommend your brand to their friends and family and repeat business is essentially the definition of business.

Series 2 to be continue.

Maintaining poise under pressure

image credit: Wiki Have you ever been in a situation where you were taken off guard during a conversation, an interview or had to handl...